Foolish women repeat themselves while queens learn from past ignorance.
I've been shown who I am.

I waited for your heart to speak my language
  and found myself tongue-tied and lost.
Realized my words were gibberish and foreign to your realm of what matters.
I translated your barricades into welcome mats and warnings into love letters...
But we were saying the same thing.

I am the closed diary and a young boy
  with all the memories of a time that has repeated itself.
Foolishly, I still miss the you that's etched in the comfort of untruths
  and am ashamed of finding peace in a lie.
My adoration is tempura thick while your resolve is diluted and mistaken.
I never required much.
Believing in one-night eternities and true love in stolen moments.
Those moments filled in spaces and you exposed them again.
I sat on the bench and watched you call the shots.
Trusting in a phantom...my love challenged tall tales and made itself known
  and you ran as if from your last breath.

I'm picking up the pieces of your absence with gritted teeth and bruised pride.
My favorite song now tortures my sensibility and distorts my disposition,
  making it an extension of you.
Confused by the cohabitation of disappointment and the need to taste your lips again.
I see that I love someone who reserves me in his back pocket
  and watched me set up shop in the recesses of his mind.
I think I hear you laughing at me now.
An intense love story, we spanned across time.
Now we've become a fable.

Absolute...proven theory.
You and I are a scientific certainty that I prove every time I stare at you.
I'm bound by the strings you strum when you tell me you're thinking of me
  and remember those moments in times of loneliness.

Love happened in a million yesterdays...
We have exemplified, mastered, and transcended it.
This is something else....
A connection greater than magnetic pull,
You'll feel my touch from the top of a distant thought
  and hear my heart calling for for across lifetimes.

No expectations needed.
We manifest each other.
Our paths are ingrained in our beings,
  Our thoughts dance with one another when we sit in silence, stealing normalcy.
I entertain the idea of forever
  because you serve as a cushion for me to fall on.
I didn't know you were possible.
Your smile is genius and your touch assaults my questions.
They'd ask me what my name is
And I'd reply, "Grateful".
You lend substance to my prose and create my next achievement.
I'll spend the rest of my days trying to explain what we have,
And I'll never get it right.

I See You

I see you.
I know who you are.
Distant and jaded...
You've perfected the art of blame...
Wearing yesterday's regrets like a winter coat during a blizzard.
Afraid of your own shadow, so you stand in someone else's.
Stuck in someone else's muck and make it your own.
I have your number...
Dialed it accidentally.
I've seen some like you.
Obviously broken.
You're a bad reputation engulfed in fake agendas.
A mistake that continues to repeat itself.
Defense mechanisms built on marshmallows in glass huts.
You wear my patience pancake-thin
And relish in the thought of my ignorance...foolish.
Those like you never think anyone else sees...
Wrapping lies in pleasantries and well wishes,
But I translated them.
I know what you try to do
Because your failure wreaks in the air around you...your theme song.
It seeps through your pores making you pitiful.
I saw you were before you said my name.
I call you out.
Expose you.
You know who you were.
I know exactly who you are.

I'd thought for a portion of a minute
Like pixi dust in a treasure chest...marked with an "X"
I'd found him.
I saw him.
A face I painted a million times over
Different in each attempt
Appeared in a teardrop from my past.
I prepared to comfort this fantasy like an abandoned child.
I crushed stars and blew through galaxies to see his smile.
Enamored by a tainted idea of forever,
I held my arms out to the hope of talks under the stars and late lunches with him.
His name became part of my vernacular...
Just before he packed his things
I wrote my vows,
While he put my diginity in his suitcase like a keepsake to remind himself of my existence.
Foolish and aborted, again.
Waiting for him to return.
Stripped down,
Bare,
Acapella...
The band left.
The music knows something I haven't figured out yet.

Untitled

If he'd just say the words...
He vanquishes those question marks
Sealing the gaps and settles the iniquity that festers in a race never won.
He puts a conclusion to the stories I was told....making all the fairy tales true.
I spend each day devising new ways to say "Thank You"...
He knows I'm the perfect candidate...
I fulfill old expectations, make new ones, boost egos and heal souls... all before breakfast,
Because I'm that bad...and he's that worth it.
His voice pays homage to ideas configured in better times.
A compliment to a queen's standards...
He's what was needed when my majesty sat in rags,
Hopeless in the dungeons of empty homes.
More than a breath of fresh air,
He's the wisp of oxygen I searched for feverishly when I drowned,
And he continues to save my life.
I'm retiring my poker face because he's my partner.
He called my bluff and nurtured it...
I bowed out gracefully.
He's an accoutrement that never overshadows...
Sitting on my tongue as the coolness of wine,
I feel my heart digest him in agreement.
I'm trying to put a face to this energy,
And dare someone to tell me I can't

Avoiding missing you.
Conjuring ways to make the idea of you and I submit to the dormant layers of my thoughts.
I'm unsuccessful every time.
I'm trying not to ask anything of you.
Scared to ask you to stay...so soon.
I stand astonished at my willingness to share so much.
Restraining myself from locking the door behind you.
I'm taking leaps and strides directed toward your good graces,
Landing in a kiss that's bred to sparkle and enchant a disillusioned heart....
A kiss that sits patiently next to all that matters to me.
I practiced how I'd invite back before you even left the first time.
All of my cards are on the table...
A touch so definite...
Eyes that are knowing and confident enough to call my bluffs..
I notice your confidence as I watch you raise the stakes with every just-for-nothing text.
I'm in a place I promised myself I'd never be
With no regrets in sight.
I'm appreciative of you every time.

I have to erase you.
Cease these violent truths with gentle ends,
Turn my head and not imagine you asking for a steady return.
I'm asking for scientific and figurative impossibilities.
I need you to stop mattering.
Stop being...here.
No more rendezvous in my subconscious
Self-inflicting this sure loss...
Losing the war when I permit you to my chambers.
The past glory of your affection can no longer grant you asylum here.
Your absence and your presence are co-existing
Playing on my sanity.
I'm routing for a team that's not even playing anymore.
As much as I need you....
I need you to go