Minutes of a Meeting

just wanna sit with you...
stare and it not be awkward.
breathe in your company.
read your eyes.
think your thoughts.
ask how your day was.
watch you...be.
learn.
we can sip your favorite tea.
draw silly faces.
you'll be comfortable and safe.
i'ma tell you some secrets.
you won't judge.
we've known each other for longer than we actually know.
other things won't matter.
unspoken things will be mentioned.
some things we won't even have to say.
enjoying.
so intimate.
falling into place.
jokes.
smiles.
not planned.
more freedom than i've had in a while.
gratitude in my eyes.
dope.
so dope.
breathing new breath.
finishing each others sentences in our heads.
understanding.
just..... right.
basking in the moment at hand.
i'm not over-thinking.
sweet.
relaxed.
maybe i'll make a meal.
maybe we'll order out.
thoughts pour out.
some scrabble and wine.
i care more now than i did before.
bliss.
you look at me differently.
where have you been?
i've missed you.
maybe a kiss.
no pressure.
just long overdue.
maybe i'll just lay with you.
pick out stars.
rest a bit.
sit in comfortable silence.
let all of you seep into my pores.
you'll wear me like a quote on the tip of your tongue.
just.
be.
with.
you.

Untitled

Time lost...wiggling around in uncomfortable skin
Missing a piece of my heart that I never had
Feeling caged in by selectively forgotten memories
Held captive by emotions subdued by time
Feeling as if the lonely nights are tenants now
They've become familiar like the paint on my walls
Bold in hue
The emptiness plays a drum roll for me
Asking me about my day
I'm living with absence and heartbreak
I'm co-existing with someone else's failure, making it my own
Proactive in defeat
Beaten up and downtrodden by disappointment
Bells ringing because I've lost the fight...so tired
Wondering if I have one more in me
Because this alone thing ain't cutting it

Reminder....THIS IS A REPOST!!!!!

Someone said this was her favorite so I promised I would re-post it...For Gina

Its the center of an eye,
dark and unfavorable...
Engulfed by color, jealous, unable to resist.
The muddy waters that surround a Lotus flower.
The wretched smell of a loveless home.
Yelling "checkmate"...handing my slippers to me when I come in from work.
Its like the infidelity that sits on back porches,
lurking in family courts
with blinded adults and taunted children.
Its whooping and hollering in its Sunday Best, taking my spirit,
giving my eardrums a run for their money.
Its making a mockery of me.
Its a different kind of post-traumatic stress that reverberates throughout my existence.
Popping wheelies along twisted vines, choking the breath out of my lungs.
Thick as if I added cornstarch.
Textbook heavy.
I never win the war and I get vanquished in the battle.
Its stifling my heartbeat...
staining the fabric of my dream catcher.
Subduing the fight against these tears....
Oddly, its the only constant I have right now.
The only thing I can count on.
Your absence is more apparent than I want it to be.

Video blog coming soon!!!

Reunion

Not me or you
Simply and abstractly us
Loving the complexity of this feeling that I sang about in my shower
I had called out for you aching in fury
Looked for you on thrones, in flowers, at the bottom of oceans...in my own reflection
I put my feet in your good leather shoes...
Walked around....
In a trance...
Tracing your steps, sniffing the sheets you slept on.
Can't even begin to find the means to say....
Continuing right where we left off...this isn't awkward at all
We were never apart
You never left
You dwelled in the places I don't have the courage to mention
Telling old jokes followed by new smiles
Being safe in a smile that stretches across lifetimes
Cool like iced chamomile on tar beach
Sweet like peach flesh
I'd missed you for longer than I'm gonna say

Senses..blabbering again

So.... I took a much needed vacation. Had some much needed fun. And now I'm back to reality.

I guess my time was so memorable because I haven't had a chance to just be me in such a long time. Being me...I always say that I am a different person now that I'm a mom. The person I was before still sits inside me...lurking. The Dominican Republic was all I needed. LOL... I did things I have never done before and experienced feelings that I thought I forgot. Just uninhibited fun.

As soon as I got on the plane to come home...I became vacation sick. I said that I needed just one more week. Another day even. I came home and dropped my bags. They sat there up until a few minutes ago...

Opening the bags let out a familiar fragrance...happiness. The smell of the sand, salt water, and tropical island brought me back to that place. Immediately I began to have flashbacks of my time there...and I began to miss it all over again. Its amazing how connected the senses are...what they can do to you. Just eating a certain kind of fruit can bring back the memory something grand...you know? I took my heavy bag, sat it on my lap and looked at the outfits I wore. I wrapped myself in them and took in their scent, trying to capture the moment when I wore it. What I did and who I was with. Gave me the shivers. I remembered the impenetrable smile that would never leave my face. I saw the salty swimsuits in my bag and could almost feel the sand in between my toes. I put one on...and am still wearing it. This is an escape...I wonder when I'll have the courage to take it off.

Getting up without an alarm clock, feeling sexy and free. Letting my thoughts wander as I lay on the beach without a single care in the world. Meeting people from all around the world who just wanted to let their hair down.

When I visited the discoteque, I saw women and men dancing...eyes closed. Thoughts ablaze. Just basking in the sensual moment they were in right then. I joined them... feeling my limbs twist and gyrate...as if one with the music. My partner felt my energy and his thoughts became mine. His hands knowingly explored my skin and took in the fragrance on my neck. Been so long..... There was no need to allow or prohibit. No words to be spoken. His energy picked up everything it should have. Our bodies swayed to the waves that crashed outside and sweat dripped to the beat of the music. I wondered was it the place that was so enchanting? If so, I might invest in timeshare...LOL.

No one understood what this trip meant to me. I plan on making this something regular....

Untitled so far ....

I know I'ma add onto this at some point....

I'm trying to make sense of this familiar emotion
I'ma let it engulf my thoughts and questions, hold on for dear life.
I miss this feeling, this escape, this flutter, the confusion, the signals, a smile that could take me anytime.
My only regret is that none of my sonnets, phrases, breaths, or anything else I create
Could even begin to sound like your HELLO...
Too much to digest all at once
I have to dissect you, take you in doses like an elixir.
You're so beautiful.
I thought of you more than I should have
While you were actively forgetting me.
So unexpectedly...
Almost as if I'm smelling sunlight and tanning in perfume.
I am thinking of you.
Sweet and mysterious with distance kept and a guard hired.
I wonder if my skin is strong enough.
Can it withstand the purity of your honesty...
or the clarity of another teardrop?