Sudden Solitude

Daunting silence.
The steadiness of your breath.
Chest heaving...up and down.
I'm watching a sleeping ghost.
Closing my eyes, using my fingers to trace the lines of your face.
Addressing the cold spot on the other side of the bed.
Reading old messages,
Remembering sweet nothings,
Existing in a new realm of self-torture.
Bathing in puddles of tears.
Keeping broken appearances, lying to myself.
Stationed by a dead phone, uninhabited rooms, empty windows...
Made a mockery of by an uneventful caller ID.
One-sided conversations with picture mail...
I'm pitiful,
But not ashamed...
Sending cosmic energy
Wrapping my arms around you despite your absence.
I've never left...
I made promises that I now uphold to a phantom.
My heart was always ten steps ahead of forever.
It was in paradise with you.

I'm With You

You can find me sitting under icy stars...
Connecting the dots, making a face that's emblazoned across my home.
Find me sniffing the sheets
Savoring the moments for just another minute
Putting my head across your chest,
In awe of the musical agreement our heartbeats have decided upon.
I preserve you like ripe fruit and spread you thick to nourish my past.
I sustain you in the heart that's been missing.
I tried not to let you seep into my skin...
Begged your eyes not to call out my transparency
But you showed no clemency....
For once, I wasn't so lucky...but its fine.
Taking my common sense for high ransom
And I don't mind.
I'm putting my feet in your shoes
Filling the spaces with the passion of last night.
I think I get closer to you...
Holding high station in my existence
I am wearing you like religion on Sundays,
Reclining in deliverance.
You are the backbone and premise of my thoughts and everything I have to say
And I am standing in this emotion on stilts.
I'm walking on thick ice..
Walking around in that scene from a movie
Dancing in the rain
Digesting your thoughts, making them a part of me
I've dreamt of the good life, but I'm now basking in excellence.
I'm with you.

Husband

I proclaimed you the bearer of my torch.
I hold onto your arm proudly...not afraid of falling.
You encompass the knight my mother promised me,
Safeguarding my heart, granting my dad's wish.
I thank you with my vulnerability.
My gratitude is leaps beyond what you can begin to fathom.
So in tune with your heart that its sitting on mine
Perched like a sheltered hummingbird in the distance.
I have played our wedding a million times,
Tattooed my vows on a star-kissed path to enlightenment.
I retire in your sweet nothings...
Smooth like Beaujolais on the driest night in Dahab.
I am waiting for quiet sunsets on the back porch sipping iced tea
No words needed
Walks under tranquil willow trees
Old butterflies still flapping their wings

While You Were Sleeping

I'm staring at a resting savior...
Modest in his brow,
Lean in deceit or anything bad.
I am holding on with every ounce of who I am,
Watching the rise and fall of your chest, trying to mimic you.
I can only hope my breaths are that graceful.
These days they're staggered, restless, waiting for your call, staccato.
You're way too beautiful for me to just let you leave at the turn of light.
Maybe we were meant to be just like this.
I'm making up excuses to get me out of watching you leave.
Everything else never matters.
My hangups are precipitously disconnected with no room to breathe.
Your face is stapled under my eyelids and attached to my palm like a dingy love letter
Falling harder than a quarter from the top of a skyscraper....
For once, I'm not scared.

Maybe

something I can say I really feel...a real dedication


I've been thinking of the possibilities
About the "what if's"
These thoughts....
Awaken dormant thirsts
Exciting my taste buds...leaving them in awe of something new.
This is refreshing...even in its obscurity.
They tickle me in my downtime
Revoking my woe's iniquities.
I am thinking of you....
Entertaining beautiful scenarios without shape
Pressing my face against the imprint left in my mind, feeling closer to you
Escaping vulnerability, standing firmer in this feeling...this....awareness.
More than a crush...a prospect.
I am thinking of you.....
Smiling a smile I thought I lost
It has been aroused by the citings of a face I may never see.
I am wondering things I shouldn't.
I am wondering if you're doing the same.

Old Maid?

Feeling as if the lonely nights are tenants now
They've become familiar like the paint on my walls
Bold in hue
The emptiness plays a drum roll for me
Asking me about my day
I'm living with absence and heartbreak
I'm co-existing with someone else's failure, making it my own
Proactive in defeat
Beaten up and downtrodden by disappointment
Bells ringing because I've lost the fight...so tired
Wondering if I have one more in me
Because this alone thing ain't cutting it

Its amazing how things always have a tendency to come full circle.

Untitled

I have never seen anything so beauteous
Never been held so tight by a feeling
Keeping me company when I'm sequestered in dark thought
A nightlight
A glow that was whispered in the times of holding hands and steady pins
Giving shape to the breath that keeps me kicking
I love the way I find completion in the thought of you
The way you rock under my eyelids in the morning
And stay there to tell me goodnight
I owe you more than you're aware of
Standing as a protector of my heart when solitude was becoming probable
I wonder if you felt me probing the depths of poetic verses to find your face
I wonder if you noticed me disarm during a kiss that is still lasting under my skin
This is almost too real to be mine
Gratitude suspended in the spaces between my thoughts
You're better than perfect, wearing your scars in my pockets
You're superhuman....
Choking the life out of any uncertainty in my heart