You are as real to me as the vows I took.
Your form becomes true and real when you whisper my name.
I thought you'd never come.
I've dug through the rubble of a fire I thought was extinguished,
Sifted through the debris of lies and "never again"s.
We connect as if we've been looking for one another.
You're my missing artifact.
You laugh when I hum tunes you don't know.
You're amazed at how comfortable we are in silence.
We promised forever and that's what I'm giving.
I am living for this commitment.
I am breathing life into flowers, notes, and candles.
Every nerve impulse dedicated to new ways of exceeding your expectations.
I am mimicking you.
I felt special when you chose me.
I still sleep in my white dress...
You're always here, dwelling in between whats real and what keeps me warm.
You are my "husband-in-my-head"
And I continue to share my forever with you.

Incomplete

Escaping the melodramatic reality of solidarity
Feeling like half....
Not enough...
Maybe three quarters.
Falling short of worthiness....not able.

Cup half empty
Leaving you thirsty although you'll never say.
I'm sorry.
I'll walk in circles...
Trace my steps to find the ground I forgot to touch
Find the words I was supposed to say
Figure out my mistake
Find my way back to you.
I'm lost
Insufficient
Obsolete
Frivolous
Jaded
I'm just so.....without you.
I was thinking my heart's abundance sealed the holes...
Filled your vacancies
Maybe I never came close.
I'm too presumptuous that way.
I wasn't enough.

Finally... You're Here

I'm still excited as if you continue to happen...
Like a recurrence....
I linger on your spurts of existence that never take leave
Entangled in the wings of butterflies born upon your majesty.
You continue to be
As if your breath thrives on the strength of your grip on my sanity.
Always something different but the same to me.
Standing where I've been for months....still.
I wait in moments that have already expired...but appear again as new.
Foolishly believing I'd changed...
I held onto you...
Adding personality to my daydreams
I wait for what seems like countless kalpas
The stroke of your hair lends merit to the minutes.
I'll stand diligent for as long as it takes.
You're better than you know.
So special that it's fact...absolute.
I think it's dope that you get me.
We've become each other's solutions.
So beautiful
*Sigh*
I miss you before you say goodbye.

While You Were Sleeping 2

Up before you
I watch patiently....
Hovering like a new parent
Stealing kisses
Keeping tabs like a warden would...
Concerned....
In rapture...
Awake as if missing something,
Making sure you're really here
For I have daydreamed about these moments.
Upset that I wasted time on sleep in the first place.
Watching....
Wondering if you understand the risk I'm willing to take
The measures I'm capable of pushing just to keep you here...
I'm respecting you.
Watching....
Pushing my hope to the back burner
Rejection forcing me to relish in the present moment.
I am keeping the "I Love You"s on the curve of my lip
Hoping you'll taste them
Sweet as simple syrup
Just as I remember and long overdue.
I miss you more than it may be appropriate to say.
I'm up before you...
Savoring the now
Observing you in your solace
And now....for just right now...I have mine.

Sudden Solitude

Daunting silence.
The steadiness of your breath.
Chest heaving...up and down.
I'm watching a sleeping ghost.
Closing my eyes, using my fingers to trace the lines of your face.
Addressing the cold spot on the other side of the bed.
Reading old messages,
Remembering sweet nothings,
Existing in a new realm of self-torture.
Bathing in puddles of tears.
Keeping broken appearances, lying to myself.
Stationed by a dead phone, uninhabited rooms, empty windows...
Made a mockery of by an uneventful caller ID.
One-sided conversations with picture mail...
I'm pitiful,
But not ashamed...
Sending cosmic energy
Wrapping my arms around you despite your absence.
I've never left...
I made promises that I now uphold to a phantom.
My heart was always ten steps ahead of forever.
It was in paradise with you.

I'm With You

You can find me sitting under icy stars...
Connecting the dots, making a face that's emblazoned across my home.
Find me sniffing the sheets
Savoring the moments for just another minute
Putting my head across your chest,
In awe of the musical agreement our heartbeats have decided upon.
I preserve you like ripe fruit and spread you thick to nourish my past.
I sustain you in the heart that's been missing.
I tried not to let you seep into my skin...
Begged your eyes not to call out my transparency
But you showed no clemency....
For once, I wasn't so lucky...but its fine.
Taking my common sense for high ransom
And I don't mind.
I'm putting my feet in your shoes
Filling the spaces with the passion of last night.
I think I get closer to you...
Holding high station in my existence
I am wearing you like religion on Sundays,
Reclining in deliverance.
You are the backbone and premise of my thoughts and everything I have to say
And I am standing in this emotion on stilts.
I'm walking on thick ice..
Walking around in that scene from a movie
Dancing in the rain
Digesting your thoughts, making them a part of me
I've dreamt of the good life, but I'm now basking in excellence.
I'm with you.

Husband

I proclaimed you the bearer of my torch.
I hold onto your arm proudly...not afraid of falling.
You encompass the knight my mother promised me,
Safeguarding my heart, granting my dad's wish.
I thank you with my vulnerability.
My gratitude is leaps beyond what you can begin to fathom.
So in tune with your heart that its sitting on mine
Perched like a sheltered hummingbird in the distance.
I have played our wedding a million times,
Tattooed my vows on a star-kissed path to enlightenment.
I retire in your sweet nothings...
Smooth like Beaujolais on the driest night in Dahab.
I am waiting for quiet sunsets on the back porch sipping iced tea
No words needed
Walks under tranquil willow trees
Old butterflies still flapping their wings