Friday, October 3, 2008

Dreaming Craziness


OK... so after my nightly ritual, the VP debate, and finally catching We Own the Night and No Country For Old Men (yea, I was up pretty late last night), my big eyes finally closed and I slept like a baby. But I had one of the most craziest dreams ever and I just HAD to share.

I need feedback, but not everyone knows the full situation, but.... OH WELL........



So, I was invited to a wedding. Not just any wedding, but his wedding. Of course I was reluctant to go. I decided I would go, but apparently I waited too long to send in my RSVP.

He called me.

I didn't wanna hear his voice. He didn't know exactly what he could make me do with it. Then again, I think he did.

me: Hey, stranger!??
Him: Whatever... did you get what I sent you?
me: What?.... Oh yeah, I got it. Congratulations.
Him: Yeah, thanks. So you comin'.
me: If you let me...
Him: I am that's why I sent the invitation. (laughing, obviously ignoring the banter, asshole)
me: Of course, I'm coming. Why wouldn't I?
Him: Oh, alright. Just checking. Well I'ma take this as your RSVP. I'll see you there.
CLICK!!!

I don't remember the wedding, but I remember being at the reception. It was the first time I ever saw his "significant other". Yuck...You could tell she was a very warm person and she loved him, but she wasn't a looker and she was like 10 lbs. heavier than me. Great, now the reason all the answers to my questions have a heartbeat. *SIGH* In the dream I was like 20 lbs. lighter than I am now. Yay!! And you know I had to come to this event CORRECT!!! I noticed him staring at me during the reception. Didn't know what was behind the eyes. I never do. We hadn't seen each other in a while. I just wanted to talk to him. Not about anything mushy, but just talk to him about something...anything. Like it used to be. I was there alone and I left alone. He didn't even come over and say thanks for coming. But at the same time, he wasn't acting all smitten with his new wife. Hmmmm. I just realized that.

Then, the dream morphed into something else. I remember he came to my house with one of his friends. Why???.... I couldn't even begin to tell you. Dreams are weird. He said my apt. was cozy and he liked it. I could tell he felt comfortable. Something about his demeanor. He started complimeting me on my taste, my vinyl records, old black and white pics...the way I decorated. Then, a weird look came across his face and he just stared at me. I knew what he was thinking. Seeing me in my own element gave me a different face. A face that at one point he wanted to see.
Next we were in his car. I sat in the back seat with his son. This man has no kids that I know of and I don't know of a car. I don't know what the hell I was doing there or where we were going, but there I was in dreamland. He kept telling his son about the candy, but he snuck it in his mouth anyway. We hit a bump and I guess the morsel went down the wrong pipe or something. The boy started coughing and gagging. From the driver's seat, I could see sheer terror, but we were on the Belt Parkway doing way above the speed limit and pulling over wasn't an option. So, being a mom (my son was nowhere in this dream), I just put the kid at a 45-degree angle (so cavalier... like a mommy-expert) and banged on his back until the damn candy shot out. But first, the kid had to throw up on my hand. Ill... But I wasn't upset in the dream... I was cool about it. We drove to a hotel (I don't know why) to clean up and get some rest. I could tell that the little one's incident still startled him. We checked in, put the kid to sleep, and just stood at the table. He came over and asked me for a hug. ASKED ME FOR A HUG??? Now you know I was dreaming. Some people just don't do certain things. Its not that they don't want to. They just don't go about them like that. That man hugged me so tight, I could hear the blood calmly travel through his veins. I could hear the organs in his body operate, checking each other. At that point I didn't care why he did it. I just breathed in his scent. No cologne... just his skin. He looked down at me and said, "Thank You". So tender and real. I didn't reply. I didn't need to. We just stayed like that for a while.

That's all I remember.

Ok... So why did I dream about him? No, I wasn't thinking about him before I went to sleep. Maybe on a deeper level, was I? Nawwwww.....
I must admit that on another level, I thought that one moment he'd wake up and smell the coffee. I read too much into things that may not be signals at all. But maybe they could be...
Was I fooling myself? Is this dream wishful thinking of my inner self... or a bad omen... or just a dream? Its been so long. Some people will never stop invading your heart, your thoughts. I was a kid, now a grown up...and he's still here.


I get caught in between a stare that lasted too long
and a heart that doesn't
say my name.


On The Brink
Hmmmm???? Maybe I shouldn't even entertain it? I dunno......

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

some weird creature on adult swim once said, "dreams are the hurricanes that wash away the soul filth in the superdomes of our minds".... i'm still not TOTALLY sure what that means, but maybe you do.

Green said...

Thank You....
I think I do.

Muze said...

wish i knew what it meant, but i don't.

i know you wrote it out beautifully. felt like i was taking a walk through your dream and looking around. lol.

this... the one?

maybe it means you just want him to acknowledge you for your goodness one last time.

... and see all that fabulousness he's missing out on! lolol.

hope your weekend is well hun. *smiles*

arychtexas said...

My dreams are also vivid to the T. I dont entertain them though.... not unless im dying, get rich, or its has a deja vu feel!

Green said...

@muze... Hmmmmm... maybe that is what it is. I'm not sure...
Thank you. I'm glad you like the way I wrote it. I just had to post it to try to gain some clarity. Like I said, maybe I shouldn't entertain it.

arych... LOL Ur blog is cool. Thanx for visiting finally.....

Mizrepresent said...

Wow, now that was vivid, i often dream like that. As to what it means, i think it means that a part of you still hasn't let go, and maybe you are indeed looking for closure.

Muze said...

where you be, lady?

and, check your email.

hope all is well! *smiles*

Don said...

Hmmm. I couldn't tell you what that dream signaled....from my personal experiences I've had bad dreams that turned out good and good dreams that turned out bad.

Made for a good read though. LOL.

Green said...

Hey... I'm back!!!

Miz...I think ur so right.

Muze... I will... I'm lost in translation !!! LMAO

Don...Thank u

Anonymous said...

This is crazy. I think the questions you asked up, you should ask yourself. You can answer them better then us. Trust me mama...