Secondary Love

I stood in the dark and waited.
My eyes turned blue with anticipation
that knew its length of stay.
It chuckled at me, but I didn't hear.
I set up a kingdom in my cove
with the law set by the beat of my heart.
The city walls were impenetrable
and bound by the steadfastness of my admiration
The furies sat on my shoulder and sang a song.
They played chords of agony and regret, noted neglected and betrayed.
I wasn't paying attention.

I stood in the dark and waited,
Reflecting on the spaces you filled,
new heights reached... lying dormant in the mouth of absence.
My heart grew fonder by the minute.
I was for you and you for me.
The night wasn't cold in my kingdom
Because my bed whispered trails of your scent.
I basked in them... I knew you would come.

I stood in the dark and waited.
Joy crept up when I heard your footsteps.
My shoulders felt warm when I heard you dancing.
But the walls of my kingdom crumbled when you were dancing with someone else.

Finally, my ears were wide open. I'm not waiting.

Black Serenade

I'm throwing away my IPod.
These tracks understand my fears all too well...
Alarming...
Don't wanna be reminded of a love that doesn't whisper my name in the night.
Don't wanna moisten a new pillow with old tears.
Listening to a future me, pissed at my mistakes.
Too smart for that.
I'm listening to these wretched love songs
Waiting for comfort hidden in the break of a note,
or a kiss that fills my dreams, torturing me.
Listening to lives that aren't mine,
Re-enacting them under my eyelids when sleep subdues me.
I'm jumping into an empty bed with a phantom.
Getting fucked by my hang-ups,
I sleep with them and make tea when its early.
Waking up alone....
I'm not ready to face the void that awaits in my reality.
Comfort in cowardice...
Never present
Always dismissed into a warped compartment of my heart
Serenaded by Track # 10.

Filling Holes

Bridging the gap
Answers to questions I didn't know I had
I'm so grateful.
I wasn't sure I could do it, but I'm doing it better than most.
Everyone knew it couldn't be done, but they won't write it the congratulatory cards.
I'm too fierce.
I'm finally proud of myself.
Sitting in the dew of a whole bunch of NO's
I exemplify a yes that's possible, even when I never thought it was.
Finding out more than I need to know...
Filling holes I didn't know existed
Uncovering the ones I wanted to hide
Almost embarrassed of my growth.... LOL